I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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