i may or may not be watching the land before time
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
