They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize