Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
