Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
