It's like God shit irony all over that family
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
