Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
