1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
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