This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
