Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
