You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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