he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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