before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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