her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
