i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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