I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
that may or may not have been my penis.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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