dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
