I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
