.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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