God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
