respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
