i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
