He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize