my mouth tastes like poor choices
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
