well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
