id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
