Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
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