Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Randomize
