You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
