i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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