i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
