My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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