you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Randomize
