Soap is not a condiment
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
