I think scott just propositioned me for sex
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
