I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
