these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
