Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
