I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
