i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
