He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
