i jhust puked up my retainher.
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Randomize
