sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
