we have pet lesbian snakes
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
