if you like me you must not know who I am
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
