I think i sorta joined a cult last night
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
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