if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
