there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
