tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
