The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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