The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
