Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
My feet surprised me
Randomize
