Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
