Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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