Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
