Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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