Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
