I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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