Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
