where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize