I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
