Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
