Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
