I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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