Having a random hookup so left but love u
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
