I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
