She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
