Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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