garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
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