If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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