So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Randomize