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Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
