4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize