I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
