You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
