wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
