what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
