so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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