I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
