She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
