is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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