The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
