I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
