Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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