Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
