just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Operation Purity has been aborted
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
