i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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