Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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