I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
