fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
