The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
