He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
