I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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