my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize