I wannas sexs uuuuu
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
