K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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