NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
