I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
