69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
