i think i have two assholes
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
