What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize