i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
