He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
