then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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