i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
