his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
