Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
